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Quotes: The Simpsons
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
- Homer Simpson (to Bart)
Do you kids want to be like the real UN or just squabble and waste time?
- Principle Skinner
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
- Homer Simpson
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
- Homer Simpson
Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you."
- Homer Simpson
Marge: Your boss called. He said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo! Four day weekend!
I've gone in for a lot of get-rich-quick schemes in my life. But this thing could really get me rich...and quick!
- Homer Simpson
Homer: "Sometimes I think we are the worst family in town."
Marge: "Maybe we should move to a larger community."
I don't make apologies. I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.
- Homer Simpson
You're missing the point. The individual doesn't matter. The team is what's important. And I'm the one that came up with this whole team idea.
- Homer Simpson
Bart: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?
Grandpa: I figured it was because the Democrats were in power again.
I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas.
- Bart Simpson
Hick
1: Hey,
let's fight.
Hick 2: Them's fight'n words.
Don't touch that dial...you've got KUDD on it.
- KUDD radio announcement
Country music sucks. All it does is take airtime away from shock jocks that amuse us all.
- Bart Simpson
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
- Homer Simpson
It's good to have met you son. It's nice to know there's another kidney out there.
- Mr. Burns
Homer: Mr. Burns, you're the richest man I know.
Mr. Burns: Yah, but I'd trade it all for a little more.
It says here just one of these giant redwoods can make enough sawdust for an entire day's vomit a Disneyland.
- Lisa Simpson
Homer, these guys will be your eyes and your ears, and they will fill in for any other part of your body should the need arise.
- Scorpio, Homer's one-time boss
Your Honor, Not only do I intend to prove that my client is guilty but also that he is innocent of not being guilty.
- Lionel Hutz
"Pool Sharks - Where the buyer is our chum"
- Sign at a swimming pool store
I could have eaten a box of alphabits and crapped a better interview!
- Krusty the Clown
When I took the test the answers were in my brain. It was like a whole different kind of cheating.
- Bart Simpson
They are the finest cops ever to wriggle into size 48 pants.
- Mayor Quimby
This is everybody's fault but mine.
- Homer Simpson
I'm the luckiest guy in the world, now that Lou Gehrig is dead.
- Homer Simpson
Marge: Homer, we'd like to talk to you.
Homer: But then I wouldn't be watching TV. You can see the bind I'm in.
I only lied because it was the easiest way to get what I wanted.
- Bart Simpson
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so much it's lost all meaning.
Homer: We're not signing anything...unless its a contract.
Principle Skinner: Are you adequately prepared to rock?!
Every generation stinks but ours.
- Grandpa Simpson, member of "The Greatest Generation"
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so much it's lost all meaning.
That's the reason we have elected officials, so we don't have to think all the time.
- Homer Simpson
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Democracy simply doesn't work.
- Kent Brockman, The Simpsons
You know, the courts don't work any more but as long as everyone is videotaping everything, justice will be served.
- Marge Simpson
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
- Toast by Homer Simpson
Why don't you get one of those hands-free phones? It's the next best thing to paying attention to the road.
- Barney, The Simpsons
Warden: He painted a unicorn in outer space! So I'm askin' you, what's he breathin'?!
Homer: Air
Warden: There's no air in space
Homer: There's an air in space museum
Marge: How did you end up here?
Prisoner: I shot a guy named Apu.
Marge: Lots of people shoot Apu. It's just a $100 fine now.
Now let's rob the rich and give the money to the poor, then rob the poor and shoot the money!
- Billy the Kid on an episode of the Simpsons
A dog like this you need to feed every day.
- Homer Simpson about their new dog Laddie
Mom! Dad built a device that would be deadly in the wrong hands...and He is holding it!
- Lisa Simpson
Nonviolence never solved anything!
- Mr. Burns
All my life I've had one dream: to achieve my many goals.
- Homer Simpson
If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it.
- Bart Simpson, to Lisa
I'd do anything for you, especially if its easy.
- Homer Simpson
Who would have thought a nuclear reactor would have been so complicated.
- Homer Simpson
Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!