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Complacent community church looking for non-progressive, pious, middle-aged pastor. (If unavailable, a younger, bright-eyed, bouncy "social director" type would be acceptable). Must be dedicated to basic irrelevencies and to preserving the status quo, not rocking the boat -- and not dealing with reality. Political correctness is of utmost importance. Must be subservient to monetary donors. Wet-nursing skills and a proven ability to referee "sand-box" squabbles are prerequisites.
Most sermons must be bland -- but entertaining -- and void of any spiritual and intellectual stimulants. Hell fire and guilt trips are, on occasion, permissible (and even desirable). Strict and mindless adherence to traditional orthodoxy is mandatory. A moderate sense of humor is acceptable, as long as, even in jest, no word of truth is spoken.Additionally, sermons must be scripted in utter simplicity -- geared to an IQ level of 25 or less. They must be designed to produce a warm fuzzy, fluffy, frothy sense of euphoria sufficient to carry the parishoners blissfully through the week in a buffering bubble of non-reality.
Salary is negotiable depending upon degree of conformity.
Taken from the Midnight Emissary web site.
